Religious vs. Grace Parenting.

There are three things most Christian parents desire for their children; that they be happy, healthy and holy. It seems simple enough, but the older kids get, the harder it is to force them to eat their greens, be nice to their siblings and read their bible.

When it comes to our children’s spiritual growth it can seem outright overwhelming. Where once sat an outspoken child full of enthusiasm and questions about God’s character, now sits a withdrawn, introspective, grouch who questions God’s actual existence.

This response to faith in our teens send us holy parents reeling into panic. We step into fear, fall into a lack of trust in God and succumb to a whole whack of crazy parenting, including religious parenting.

I’ve been guilty of being an over religious parent. Especially when my kids rebel I want to go into lock down and shove proverbs down their throat! It’s so tempting to raise our children under the law, cursing the world, pointing out their sins, expressing judgment on others as an example of what they shouldn’t do, constant criticism, hiding them under lock and key, instilling fear of them losing their salvation, focusing on works in the home and church and so on. Sound familiar?

This is when Jesus steps in and warns us of another form of bondage, religion. Did you know we can actually cause greater spiritual harm to our children raising them under the bondage of religion than if we left them to the wind?  The freedom Christ unselfishly died for needs to be extended to our children.

Moms and dads, even teachers and grandparents have such a God given responsibility to reveal the love of God to our children through grace and forgiveness, just as Jesus extended that to us. Don’t be like the pharises demanding our child be stoned for their rebellion but rather be like Jesus who showed love, grace, forgiveness and yes a little stern talking to.

I’m in no way downplaying discipline; discipline done in love is essential. However, what religion does is say that what they did was wrong -  therefore they as a person are fundamentally flawed and wrong. It is a constant reminder they don’t measure up. Grace and forgiveness says, that the behavior was wrong, but they are still valued and loved to the core of their God created being. Love really can cover a multitude of sins if we let it.

This article was originally published in City Light News March 2013

The Pondering Mother

I laid in bed last night thinking about when Jesus would have discovered He was the Son of God. Had he always known in his heart, did the prophets tell him when he was a child, or a teenager? I was thinking about how a child would grow into the knowledge that He was not like all the other kids. Was there angel visitations? The audible voice of God? Was he accidentally shooting off power at the age of 8 playing sticks with his cousin John?

I was pondering this idea, enjoying the mystery of it and then a few scriptures popped into my head.


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(Jesus has just been born and the Angels are rejoicing and the Shepherd's visit the baby)

13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
    and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told. Luke 2:19

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(Jesus goes missing for a day and Mary has been frantically searching for him when she finds him in the temple)

“Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”[f] 50 But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

51 Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man. Luke 2:49

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(Jesus is now an adult and performs his first public miracle) 

1The next day^a there was a wedding celebration in the village of Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2and Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the celebration. 3The wine supply ran out during the festivities, so Jesus’ mother told him, “They have no more wine.”

4“Dear woman, that’s not our problem,” Jesus replied. “My time has not yet come.”

5But his mother told the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” John 2: 1-4

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So back to my pondering question as to when and how Jesus knew he was the son of God. 

I believe he knew this from birth because HIS MOTHER TOLD HIM!!!!!!

His mother, pondered these signs and wonders in her heart and from the moment He was born she spoke and sang to him, his purpose, his calling. Mary would have parented him with the sole purpose in mind that He was born t save the world. The fact that Jesus said to her, "my time has not yet come." suggests to me that they talked about this a lot. 

Perhaps Mary lost sight of it a bit as she panicked through the streets, imagining the worst. "I just lost the son of God!" but Jesus, at the age of 12, reminded his mother of who he was, so she pondered, and then realigned her focus helping him to "grow in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man."

Mary may have been anxious to show off her son, to reveal to the world who He was. Jesus may have rebuked her several times as a teen "Mom, stop talking about me with your friends, It's not time yet."

Thinking of this last night challenged me to ponder the calling on my own children's life. To seek God's heart for each one and help remind them who they are and who they belong to.

Thanks Mary for your pondering heart!